Time To Talk (The Frustration)

Today, 4th February 2016 is all about ending discrimination when it comes to mental health – Time to Change are doing this with there Time to Talk Day.

“Mental health problems affect 1 in 4 people every year, yet too often people are afraid to talk about their experiences because they fear it will affect their jobs or relationships. That’s not right and it’s why we need your help to break the silence and end the stigma”

So of course, I’m here to talk.

Depression, it’s one of those words, it holds so many meanings. But what does it mean to you? And if you feel it, how would you best describe it?

I think the worst thing about being depressed for me, is not the being sad, feeling alone, its not the not being able to do the stuff you want to, or not enjoying the stuff you once loved. It’s the pure frustration of not being able to explain how you feel to others, or trying to get someone you love to understand why you feel like you do.

As much as it’s not as prominent nowadays the, “you’ll be okay” “you’ll feel better after you’ve slept” “snap out of it” “just go out and get on with it” basically, all of the I don’tunderstandsare still very much there. – Which I can completely relate with, I never truly understood until a year ago.

Because honestly would you know I struggle with depression? I really don’t think you would, if you saw me I am usually the one doing something silly or dancing or singing and I’m definitely the one who is always chatting away. So surely, I’m not depressed? Right?

Many people think that, I think a lot of my friends and family believe that right now and I think that’s the worst, because when you can’t do stuff because its just to hard at that moment in time but to your friends and family you seem visibly okay. So, “you just don’t want to spend time with me?” – It can make you feel like a horrible horrible person, an overall useless one.

I’m not a great writer (I’m sure this is very obvious by now) but even if I was fantastic, I don’t think I could sit down and really write down what depression is; I think it’s completely different for everyone. But this is how I would best describe what depression is to me.

It’s like throwing a huge party with all your absolute favourite people, your best friends, your family, just great people! But at this great party with your favourite, food, drink, music, everything! You feel completely and utterly alone.

This is exactly why it is time to talk, why it was my time to talk, so you know you are not alone! Because for me that is the worst! There are people who do understand, I promise! And it does get better, I’m not as bad as I was, but I’m also not great. I have my days when I struggle, but a year ago I didn’t believe I’d even be here, so who cares if sometimes I spend my day in bed binge watching OITNB whilst eating my body weight in chocolate and who cares if people tell me I’m not depressed, I’m just weak. If I was weak I wouldn’t be here writing this, I wouldn’t have my days in bed.

I’m many a thing but believe me, me, you, all those struggling to this day to be okay. Weak is NOT one of those. Keep going strong, don’t ever feel bad for struggling, keep talking and remember someone out there understands you, when you feel like you’re alone, you never are.


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